And so we continue on the healing journey… a letter to my client

Dear Yogi John Doe,

I hope you are feeling better today. I’m sorry you weren’t feeling up to practicing yesterday. As we’ve discussed, stress is likely a major contributor to your back issues. Give yourself permission to rest and be compassionate with yourself about where you are in this very moment. It’s perfect. In fact, it’s a gift, awakening you to the importance of your health in mind, body, and spirit. I know you’re feeling upset and that’s ok. You’re not alone. Most of us somaticize metaphysical ailments into physical ones. When I’m stressed my left shoulder knots up and that pain is so distracting. At the same time, I’m grateful for it because it’s my body’s way of telling me something has to change.

During our last session you were really hard on yourself. Interestingly, it was the best session we’ve ever had— you’re doing headstands now for Chrissakes!— and your physique is in the best shape I’ve seen yet! You’re doing so amazingly! Yoga is more than just a physical practice and I’m actually not surprised that emotional stuff is coming up for you. This means that you are growing, AND that you’re in such a great space that you’re ready to handle subconscious wounds that can be healed— if you choose to.

We all begin the road to healing somewhere, and just like you, yoga was my starting point. I thought I was going in for some stretching and little did I know I’d be diving deep into my subconscious to begin a lifetime of healing. If we have the courage to continue on, this healing journey never ends. Healing is a cyclical process. We heal some crap then we feel amazing— euphoric in fact. Then as we are in a fabulous state, we dive back into the suffering to dig up some more dirt that needs cleaning up. We heal these wounds, and then we soar back up to a place even higher than before. Imagine a scribble up to the heavens— that’s the visual, that’s the feeling.

It’s so beautiful to see how you’ve naturally evolved. When we began yoga sessions about a year ago, you’d laugh at my comments about the junk food stacked on top of the fridge. And now to see how you’ve taken initiative to eat well and get fit is truly remarkable. Not only is your changed physique a testament to the progress you’ve made, but I also see how your consciousness shifts during the practice and you’re able to get that yoga “high” through the duration of the practice. That blissed out meditative state is possible only when we allow ourselves to fully surrender to the practice— concentrating, yet relaxing while connecting with our breath as we keep your awareness in our body. Celebrate the progress you’ve made! I’m so proud of you!

Since our last session, I’ve had a really interesting experience. I truly believe that people in our lives are mirrors into our souls. Each relationship is a reflection in some way of where we are along our path. This week you were a perfect mirror for me as I continue along my own healing journey. Remember I told you about the new healing sessions I was trying, well I had a big release on Tuesday. And the emotion I experienced was anger. I was angry with myself. And I thought about you. Your words during our last session replayed in my consciousness as I lay on the treatment table. “I’m so mad at myself,” your exact words kept repeating over and over again. I wasn’t even sure why I was feeling mad at myself but I was feeling it so strongly. There is a tendency for us to want to understand WHY things are, instead of just experiencing them in their raw form. The beauty of healing is that we don’t have to intellectualize the feelings and figure out why in order to move past them, rather, it’s about riding the waves of emotions that bubble to the surface from depths of our beings.  Within our bones, nerves, muscles, spine, and wherever else we’ve managed to store stress and trauma from age zero to now, when a wound is ready to say goodbye, it will come knocking so that we can face it, release it, and heal ourselves.

I also thought about you when the practitioner told me that it may not have even been my emotions I was feeling, but rather my grandmother’s, because we subconsciously store our families’ karma too. This made me think of your relationship with your brother. Nonetheless these emotions were real and I was crying and sobbing as I released them. It was exactly what I needed to do in that moment. I gave myself permission to scream and cry and release so that I could be free of that tension. It was liberating.

So I wanted to ask you to give yourself permission to experience the feeling of anger with yourself and to feel any emotions that come up so that you can heal the wounds stored in your body. Just yell and scream— whatever you need to do, just do it! And take as much time as you need. I’m spiritual gangster, so anything that has the potential for healing in any, way shape or form, I’m drawn to, no matter how extreme it may be (I still recommend you try 10 days of silence). I know not everyone is this way because it is a scary process. Be patient with yourself. Trust that your subconscious will only allow you to dig up the garbage you’re ready to clean up.

Also, be compassionate with yourself. It’s ok to feel the anger and pain. Even people with “good energy” aren’t always happy either ya know. We experience anger, sadness, and feel hurt regularly. It’s a never-ending fluctuation of states.

So why even bother down this road of cyclical suffering instead of pretending everything is peachy? Well, from a health perspective, healing wounds releases stress impinging upon our central nervous system most of which we don’t even realize is happening. This affects our bodies in a physiologic way, and by healing these emotional wounds we prevent future diseases because we decrease the stress hormone levels in the body that are clearly linked to cancers, obesity, and inflammatory conditions. We choose to heal ourselves so that we can improve the relationships in our lives. We choose to heal ourselves so that we can feel euphoria emanating from our entire being as we connect with everything in the world around us as we realize we are all the same. We choose to heal ourselves so that we can love fearlessly, take chances, and live the life we’ve always dreamed of. We choose to heal ourselves so that the love and happiness we feel spreads like wildfire because it is contagious. We choose to heal ourselves because by healing ourselves we begin to heal the world.

Thank you for inspiring me. I’m so grateful that we are on this healing journey together. You’re so amazing. I truly celebrate you. Have a beautiful trip and I will see you when I’m back from the west coast.

So much love,

Nikki